Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
