My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
