I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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