I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
