I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
