You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Randomize
