i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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