and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
honey bunches of taint.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
