So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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