Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
