Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
