oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
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