i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
