He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Randomize
