The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
