I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
