failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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