Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
