yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
