You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
