I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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