im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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