Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
