You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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