So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize