how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
