I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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