In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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