Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
