You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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