U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
