shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
