He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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