its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize