im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize