yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Randomize
