My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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