What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
