if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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