Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
