we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize