Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
