we have officially mastered the walk of shame
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
