she was so not down for the gang bang
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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