Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
