Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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