I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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