I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
