So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
