Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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