I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Duck Duck Cougar?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
