dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
