dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
