GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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