nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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