if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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