why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
