Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
