WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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