508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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