Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
