Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
