It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
