Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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