Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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