honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize