i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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