Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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