My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
