I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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