hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize