With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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