if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
