On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
