I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
