Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
