I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
