I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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