Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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