just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
