someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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