Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
