Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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