apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
