you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
