My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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