Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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