How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
