I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
His hands were made for my vagina.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
