Betty ford says i'm here all night
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
