I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
only if we run a train.
done.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
