Porn is love you can see.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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