I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
