Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
