Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize