just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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