Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just gargled with NyQuil
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
