...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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