i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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