Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize