brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Your tits are I can't wait for
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Randomize
