He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
