the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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