When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
