I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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