you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
