I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
