You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
