It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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