I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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