im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
