I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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