How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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